Tuesday, June 9, 2009

BFFs... not just for high school anymore.

I recently found out that a very good friend of mine is moving very far away. According to the GPS system on my blackberry, it's exactly 19 hours and 35 minutes away. I may not be really good at math, but I have a feeling that this move may put an end to those last minute texts that always bring a smile to my face when I see, "wanna go to Porters for a drink tonight?".

While I understand the need for the move, I do question her ability to prioritize what the important things are in life. Husband job promotion vs. wine drinking with Kami? Exciting new opportunities vs. gossiping while wine drinking with Kami? Being closer to family vs. BBQs on the deck while drinking wine with Kami? Basically, I feel unfairly transported back to 9th grade when my bestie chose to hang out with her new boy over me on a Friday night. Ouch. It still hurts.

This particular friend and I became friends at a very difficult time in my life. Quite possibly the worst time in my life to be very honest. But she poured me glasses of Claret and listened and talked and laughed and told me either way it would be okay. I'm not saying I didn't have other friends do the same things at the same sucky time... but when a friendship forms like that... in the bathroom of a restaurant... it means something. Well after you wash your hands and replace your mascara, it means something.

Because of these new revelations of life... I have begun to think very long and deep about my peeps. I have decided that there are three things in life that I know very much to be true:

#1: "Just one more shot" is almost never a good idea.

#2: There is no stress in life that a new pair of shoes cannot make better.

#3: I need my friends.

Friends are not just people we hang out with, shop with, drink with and complain about our spouses with. It is my goal in this post to make you all realize how important, necessary and fabulous this thing called "friendship" truly is.

Friends are different from family. I know, I know... 99% of you just said "uh duh!". Family will hopefully love you for whatever or whoever you are. Family will hopefully never say out loud, "I wish you were more like....." But I think we all feel it or hear it from time to time. Even spouses can often mutter or blatantly proclaim, "Arrrgh... I wish you didn't (insert behavior that annoys spouse here)". But friends... not so much. Here's one reason why. The first time one of my friends dared to wish I was different in some way... well, I'd drop 'em like a hot pocket (I know... not a very intellectual phrase there... but how many times have each of us picked up a hot pocket fresh out of the microwave and well, dropped it? It's relatable, undoubtedly.)

So, in my opinion (which has to be right, because I thought of it.) True friends do three things. They allow us to be exactly who we are. They expect us to be nothing but who we are. And most importantly, they make us who we are. The first two there I don't believe need much elaboration. I mean, c'mon... if they are our friends, then chances are they are similar to who we are and if they are similar to who we are then who are they to complain about who we are. Does that make sense in anyone elses head but mine? Good. Thanks for agreeing.

Here's what it all comes down to ... Our true friends make us exactly who we are meant to be. If you have friends that stifle you, make you feel like you have to be something else, roll their eyes at your silliness or look at you like you are unworthy of sharing their air... move on. There are far more peeps in the chicken coop out there. I have no doubt in my mind that I have embarrassed (quite possibly mortified actually) my friends with my shenanigans and antics that I like to call "kamifoolery"... but they stand by me each and every time. They clean up my drunken puke, they come running when I call crying so hard I can't form words and more than anything... they listen and make me laugh. They give advice that they are pretty sure I'm not going to listen to because stubbornness and making poor decisions over and over again are part of the charm that is Kami.

But... more than anything else that I know is true... I know that each of them make me a little more of the authentic being that I am supposed to be because they give me the freedom to say, do, try and be new things every day (regardless of how ridiculous those things can and tend to be!). So... here it is. Without my friends, I have no idea who I would be. And because I think that I am pretty freakin fabulous.... I say to all my friends, old and new... thank you for letting me be whatever the hell it is that I am now and am supposed to become! :)


Kristen von Schledorn said...

You are fabulous Kami, I know eggs-actly how you feel and can sense your sadness about loosing your Bestie, I a have been there too. Just moved away from ALL of mine in search for...well a job for my boyfriend. You are 100% right about true friends, and I think anyone that gets to know you is L-U-C-K-Y! :) (Well they might not think that while cleaning up your puke) Strange how people come into and out of your life, with the good ones the timing is almost always memorable/strange. I am truly sorry that your friend is moving 19 plus hours from you. :( Sending a *HUG*.

AmandaK said...

Kami, you have always been one of the most consistent friends in my life. I love that about you. You have been my friend through the mountains and valleys. I'm sorry to hear about your BF moving far away, and I am sure she is feeling just as sad. :( You are a very special person, and I know I can speak for everyone that loves you, we are better for knowing you. :)

knrnbsn said...

I am so very sorry that your BFF is moving away. On the good side is to think of all of the wineries you will be able to visit when you go to see her. You have been a source of joy, hilarity, comfort and support for me for the last 13 years. As Amanda said, we are all better having known you. Continue with your kamifoolery, as I know I do live vicariously through you.